Eric questions: How do you tell someone he’s wearing too much perfume?

Dear Erik: I sing as a volunteer in a church choir. Because I can sing, am trained as a musician and can sing alto, the music director likes it when I come.

For me, singing is ‘work’, not ‘fun’, but the music director is very nice and the choir members are very warm and friendly people.

What I don’t like is that one of the newer members carries a very strong scent, and I’m allergic to it. If I forget to take an allergy pill before church, I end up coughing the entire service and singing about a quarter of the notes. When I remember the allergy pill, I don’t cough, but I can only sing about half the notes because her perfume still negatively affects my breathing.

If she (the perfume wearer) were a friend, I could go up to her and say, “Leave the scent, it’s making me sick.” But she’s an acquaintance, and I don’t know her well enough to be so blunt. Moreover, she comes from a different country and culture and, as an immigrant, she deserves our respect and acceptance.

The choir director has sent a general email asking people not to use perfume because others are allergic or sensitive. No result.

If it were up to me, I would just stop going to church and spend my Sunday mornings watching the talking heads on TV, which is my idea of ​​a perfect Sunday morning. But that is the way out for the lazy bon vivant. Do you have any suggestions for a tactful and non-confrontational way to tell her not to wear perfume?

– Sunday sniffs

Best Sunday: If the notes of sandalwood and bergamot in her perfume hinder your high notes, it’s a problem for the entire choir. So you should kick it back to the organization. graph (octave up?).

Tell the music director that for health and performance reasons you cannot continue volunteering if the strong odors are not addressed. The director certainly appreciates your presence and should be able to find a harmonious balance here.

Directly requesting that the other choir member not wear her perfume could get you into some interpersonal drama. While the music director can talk to her one-on-one and frame it as something that the group needs for the success of everyone involved.

If the director can’t or won’t, you don’t have to torture yourself for your work. Stay home and enjoy your talking heads.